On Our Embodied Yes, No, & Maybe

This year I leaned into the art of making decisions from my body. Here’s some of what I learned: 

Saying Maybe

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” 

— Viktor Frankl

Saying maybe means taking a pause before making a commitment. Try to allow yourself as much time in the pause as you need. In that pause, you get really clear on how your body and heart feel. 

Is there butterflies? Contraction? Expansion? Leaning in? Desire to defend or flee?

In that pause, gather evidence. Ask questions. Observe. Take your energetic investments seriously. 

Saying Yes

“It’s either adding to you or subtracting from you. It can’t do both.” 

— Brandie Freely 

A yes is choosing things that add to you. Sometimes it’s a clear, quick yes, and sometimes it starts as a maybe. Over time we find the self-awareness and discernment to choose yeses that feel clear, wholehearted and honest. In the body, yes can feel expansive and opening. Being clear, wholehearted and honest with our yes is a compassionate action. Learning when to say no helps us a lot to learn when to say yes.

Saying No

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind…

Feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind. Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind. Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.” 

— Brene Brown

Getting in touch with the body is a way to be clear and avoid saying yes when we actually want to say no. Feeling your body brace is usually a sign of a no. 

Saying no looks like believing in people’s actions over words. Being disappointed by other people and situations is a cheaper bill than continuing to pour into things that don’t give back — and disappointing a hopeful and innocent part of yourself. 

Sometimes saying no has consequences, and can be impossible or dangerous at certain points in our lives. This is where we learn the “dirty yes” (saying yes when we mean no) to protect ourselves from harm. Creating wide space for yourself to re-learn the art of saying no is important. 

I’m continuously learning to have the courage to listen to my body say yes, no and maybe. These embodied signals take the form of sensations that get clearer over time. The more clear the signals get, the harder it becomes to choose things that are out of alignment. 

Listening to the body is the pause between stimulus and response. Listening to the body is not frivolous. It’s raw, unfiltered information about how we truly feel. When we listen to our bodies, we receive the choice to energetically “live within our means” and honor when we’re at capacity. If our body is telling us, “I’m at capacity” and we continue to push on, we’re creating and receiving harm. 

Whenever you can, take a pause, place your hands on your body, and inquire - how do we feel about this?