As some of you know, I am a professional fire dancer. I have my own entertainment company that I've been operating with my partner Anthony for the past six years. We have brought fire dancing to corporate events, weddings and private parties so elaborate you wouldn't believe - these performances have brought us everywhere from elementary schools to private islands. It has been so fulfilling bringing people glimpses into this awe inspiring art form. And I work with really talented performers - so we were always exceeding expectations and making lots of people really happy. And - I haven't said yes to a fire performing gig since July 2023. Why? I'm still working that out. There are a couple things I know - I feel I am more of an artist than an entertainer - and I was getting tired of worrying about being entertaining enough. I'm more interested in telling the truth with my art than trying to fit into what someone else needs me to be. I feel more interested in ensemble and group choreography than being a soloist. And frankly, I'm tired. Running an entertainment business is a lot of hard work. But really, the why is coming from my body - I'm living into my philosophy of letting the innate intelligence of the body lead me. Each time I say no to a gig I don't want to do, I breathe a little deeper. I feel a little release in my system that says “thank you.” It's all the feelings - it's confusing because I loved this work a year ago. There's grief in letting go of the past versions of myself that are no longer around. It's frustrating because I was successful! I was killing it! Making good money, paying my performers well, getting raving reviews from clients, being the life of the party, getting lots of validation from all ends. But there often comes times in our lives where we can abandon the expectations of the people around us, or we can abandon ourselves. One of those things is hard; one of them is impossible. I have to listen to this little voice within - and trust it. Trust that the feelings in my body are enough of a reason. Trust that I don't need to explain anything to anyone. Trust that the space that I'm creating by saying no is fertile ground for something creatively vitalizing. Trust myself to follow the things that feel alive, and that when the tides of inspiration shift and breathe life into something new - I'll be there to catch it. I'm leaning into a new iteration of my life as a movement artist that feels more honest. And I'm taking what I learned from my fire dancing career with me. I'm staying open to the possibility of moving back towards fire performing in new ways. I'm finding more joy as I become more discerning about how I want to spend my time. I'm learning how to say no and stand behind my no without apologizing for it. Change is hard. But in the long term, it's harder to resist what you already know. I can't move against the creative winds that are blowing me in a new direction. I've learned that before. This time, I'm listening. Even if it means blowing out this current flame, and moving - hopefully, blindly towards the lights in the distance.